Pessimism - The optimists worst fear

Reading my previous post and feel a bit sick at the level of optimism I had when writing it. Sure much of it is true but now after I've signed the papers and know that I'll be unemployed July 13:th, wich is a bit earlier then I thought it would be, thought I'd get another month, things are a bit different. It's not that I'm totally devastated now but I've thought of everything that must be done. I must dig up grades from school, letters of recommendations from other jobs I've had, diplomas and certificates. My files are in a total dissarray so I've got no clue of where I keep any of those papers so it'll take hours to find any of them and I'll probably not find all of them anyway. My insurance for my property and myself are also bound to my employer so I've got to sort new ones there. I've got to see what medical bills I can get some refunds for from my union. Maby even get a doctors appointment for some minor dysfunctions my body has. Sort everything out so I'm at 100% when that date comes, or preferably earlier since I'd not like being unemployed any ammount of time at all. I'm used to a life where I never have to make a budget or do any math on my expenses or anything like that. Always been able to go out, buy clothes, travel, buy new gadgets and never had to check how much money I still got. I guess I just got a sense about how much I can spare and I've never crossed the line making me need to borrow money but often the other way around, I've been as a bank for friends and family in need and it's actually been great to be able to help people I care about and trust. None of that anymore. I'm not likely to find a job that pays as much as the one I got now so I'll have to get used to less of everything. Aha! A challenge you say! ... Oh just drop the positivity this is going to suck so hard.

When I think about friends that dared taking risks opening their own buissnes, taking jobs abroad, studying for years, I've always thought that I chose a good and safe path. Sometimes I wondered how people can take such risks. How do they dare? Putting everything they got on the line or studying for years and years with great cost and lack of income. Offcourse education almost always pays off in the end but I thought I chose the most safe way. Look at me now. After almost eight years at the same company it seems I'm the one that has been taking a risk. Why didn't I dare doing what I wanted to do all those years ago? The comfort of a steady income? Demotivation at life in general? My eagerness to get everything I wanted now right away? Probably a bit of each of those and some additional factors I haven't even thought about.

How is it that Volvo, who themselfs has been saying they're like the king of trucks for the last couple of years, has decommissioned a larger workforce then other alike companies? One year ago Volvo was unbeatable! Gained procentage on all markets, bought Nissan Diesel, owned like half of Scania, Bought Mack in USA. Now we're worse off then our german and dutch friends for example. Howcome? Now when I myself am a victom of the downsizing I really see that there's something wrong with this picture. Many say "Hey why doesn't our government save us" but to be fair the leaders of our company have failed. Huge ammounts of money has been handed out to the shaireholders by the leaders. Money that could have funded education for the workforce or investment in new facilities and such. Money that could have made the company so much stronger when the economy starts to come around and would also save a load of people from unemployment. Usually in the buissnesworld when leaders fail, they resign or kill themselfs but our leaders want to raise their salery. They want to do this to stop the competent people from leaving our company to join others who pay more. Competent? In wich way? Increasing a companys worth or handing out money to the shaireholders? It's first now when I myself become a victom of the modern day financial world that I realize the extreme injustice that occurs even here in our safe little comfortable country of Sweden.

No matter the outcome of this, I'm very dissapointed at our leaders who failed so hard and it pains me that I actually did my best for them for almost eight years, really caring and working with really high morale and giving it a bit extra just because I though our leaders cared about us.

Well for now I somehow must cling on to what little positivity I still posess. Cheer up! At least the weather is... at least my lovelife is... at least my health is... at least... well fuckit at least we got internet!